Month: October 2022

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In the conversation, think about yourself ?

photo of a man and a woman looking at each other at the bar

When you’re talking to people during conversation. Do you ever think about yourself when you are talking with others?

I used to be like that. I used to think about what I could say to make the other person like me, rather than how they would feel.

You don’t notice this until you consciously think about it. I was not able to make the other person enjoy the conversation. Because I was focused on myself.

I could not understand what the other person was thinking or feeling when we talked. I was focused on me. It was a big problem during communication.

In the end, I realized that I had been communicating in a rather selfish way. So, in this article, I would like to talk about two very important things.

  • To be aware of when conversing with people who think too much about themselves.
  • To how this affects them, and how to avoid thinking too much.

This article is about:

  • Those who do not know how to communicate well.
  • If you are always trying to go along with the other person in a conversation.
  • You want to make the person in front of you happy.

I would like to write this article for those who want to improve their communication. And plus those who are struggling with their relationships.

First of all, the most important thing in communication is;

 To “let the other person have the flower.”

This cannot be done when you are in a stage where you are concerned about what the other person thinks of you. Or in other words, when you are conscious of yourself.

For example, there is a cute girl in front of you. And in order to get her to like you. You have to talk to her. Or choose your words to go along with her.

This may seem to be an attempt to make the other person feel great. But, it is an attempt to make “yourself” be liked.

However, they try to make the other person feel good about themselves. Because you want to make them like you. But they don’t know how the other person feels or what the other person is thinking.

Because of why?

You are thinking too much about yourself. Not focusing on her feelings at all.

This is especially true for those who are thinking about themselves during a conversation. That they are communicating in the wrong way with others.

It is easy to tell when someone’s interest in a conversation is focused on “me”.

Here is some examples,

  • People who like hot weather. But then say they don’t like it to accommodate the other person.
  • Someone who says they like to exercise. But their daily routine is eating an ice cream, and watching TV at home.
  • They mount up to what others say.

These people are always thinking about how they will be perceived during the conversation. They don’t have time to think about how the other person feels. They want to be loved by themselves.

In this state, they do not know how the other person. It is feeling and what they are looking for in the conversation. I was like that. So, in my brain, I was thinking only about myself. I was wondering how I can make the other person like me.

In the past, I also used to conform to other people’s opinions. Because I didn’t want to be rejected. Perhaps due to peer pressure, I wanted to make the other person feel good.

But in reality, my subconscious was thinking like “I want to be liked!”, “I don’t want them to hate me!.”

that so, I was always pointing the finger at myself.

And as I did this, I was bound to be surrounded by people who are just like me. With these things, I didn’t realize that when I was having a conversation with someone. I was more self-centered than ever before to others.

Acting like, I showed up at gatherings I didn’t want to go to. And if someone likes something then, I like it no matter what I don’t like. I would say I liked things I didn’t like. And act as if I respected them so as not to break the camaraderie. Or the atmosphere of the place.

However, I realized that I was saying things because I was concerned about how I would be perceived.

And this caused me to feel more and more self-loathing.

I began to hate myself.

I felt that I had no choice but to retreat into my cave once again. And I refused all invitations from people. I refused to go to gatherings I didn’t want to go to.

I stopped choosing my words to suit the other person. By doing this, I found out who I really wanted to be. I realized that everything I had thought. I was doing for the other person was an attempt to force myself to be liked.

Another important thing in communication is;

To be yourself without pretending.

If you don’t like something, it’s okay to dislike it. No need to pretend.

If someone leaves because of that, it is okay to end it. As a result, there is no point if you are not in a relationship where you can be yourself without pretending.

If you are a little tired of always trying to fit in in relationships, you are having a hard time expressing your own opinions. Or you are changing your opinions to fit in with others, please try to sort it out.

By doing so, you will realize how you have been interacting with others by thinking in your brain about how to be liked by the other person first.

You will realize that you have been communicating poorly, when you thought you were trying to please the other person by being outwardly congruent with them.

Lately, I do more like myself and say whatever I want. Regardless of what the other person thinks about me. Well, on the premise that I mean I don’t say anything like the words which hurt others.

But then, I no longer feel anxious or afraid of people in conversation at all.

Once you know this. You don’t have to worry about relationships anymore.

I don’t have to worry about relationships anymore. Because I can focus on more important things than how I am perceived. That is the person is conversing in front of me.

You are having a conversation with a super cute girl in front of you. You want her to like you. But when you are thinking like that, you are not concentrating on the other person.

If you are thinking only about yourself in that way, there is no way they will like you. That was a blind spot. But once you realize that there are only two things you need to be aware of when dealing with people.

It is very simple.

woman holding white flower
Photo by Valeriia Miller on Pexels.com

Let the other person have the flowers during a conversation.

If the other person enjoys your conversation, you will be happy.

Enjoy yourself as you are without pretending.

You don’t have to think about how to be liked.

And your anxiety will disappear.

Just by being aware of these two things during a conversation. You can dramatically change the way you communicate with others. For me, this was an eye-opening experience.

If you are having trouble communicating with others, please take a look at this. I hope you will enjoy your relationships and conversations more.

Thank you for reading.

For the information, I have another blog.

It is called “Sroute66.” And if you like my article check for,,.

Love and Life aren’t going though and miserable. Why?

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We often give-up, Why? and how to get out

little boy in wheat field

I know everyone has their own way of setting goals. If you don’t have or you don’t know what you want to do in your life, you may be confused about what to do and be lazy every day. I was like a very lazy man. I didn’t know what I really wanted to be. But finally I found a way to set it up. So I would like to share my own way of setting goals.

This article is written for:

  • Those who do not know how to set goals.
  • Those who set goals but fail to achieve them.
  • Those who have a hard time keep going.

If you are having a hard time sticking with things, this article is for you.

First of all, you need to think about what a goal is for you. And, you need to think that it goes pretty deep. Setting serious goals has the power to change your life.

They are not easy to set, and if you don’t know yourself well, you will change your mind as soon as you set this goal, and it won’t last. However, the truth is that you can only know your true self by continuing to work toward that goal.

You may change your goal again and again, and it could succeed sometimes, that is what it is, but I will focus on talking about “continuing ” in this article. Because you can quit right away is easy, but you can keep doing it is quite difficult for everyone.

Since then people were able to do this as a child, but as they became an adult, forgot about how to become the real them. Because we will care about acting adults, no more kids. Like, we don’t cry in front of people, you want to ride a roller coaster but you don’t because you are a mature man, something like that.

So first, be clear and real, no lie to yourself about what you want to become.

Have you ever realized what you wanted to be like or what you wanted to do?

As adults, we have easy access to a wide variety of information, which makes it easy for us to look around and see what others have to offer, or to wonder if we are making the wrong choice, and now more and more confused.

So, let’s think back to when we were a child .

From the time you are in middle school or high school, you start to be inhibited by the scale of the world, because you are able to make a lot of decisions. The college you want to go to or the high school you want to go to, even though you tried your best to do your best, but unfortunately you could not go to the high school of your choice because you did fail, right?

Then you experience your first setback and decide to enroll in another high school with slightly lower academic standards.

Perhaps in these kinds of ages, you will have already weakened to think of yourself then, and you don’t know exactly what you want to do to the best of what you may have thought. If you think that way then, Yes, you don’t care much what you really want to be. So, you may focus on thinking of an earlier age than a high school or a junior high school. and you remember what you really want to do at that age.

For example, when I was six grade, I was like “I want to play video games! so I will finish what I don’t want to do (classes, housework, etc.) as soon as possible. and play all day long hahaha!.” You have to remember what you used to do and what you used to keep doing.

In my case, it was video games. I want to get back home from school as soon as possible and beat the slime (a monster of a video game). I also used to draw things like four-panel comic strips like Dragon Ball. When I was doing what I wanted to do, I had a clear goal. I was working for two hours straight, sometimes for an entire day without eating.

Yes, this was really my goal at the time. Some people might think that if it was such an easy goal, I could enjoy doing it, but even if it became a difficult goal, such as passing the most difficult University, such as Harvard, we need to do it with the same mindset.

The question we have why can’t we enjoy goals like that anymore?

Did I finish the game that easily when I was a kid? I doubt it. I spent quite a bit of time and a whole day on it because it was fun and I could make the player stronger and go to the last dungeon and beat the last boss. Looking back now, it seems easy, but that is only because we already know the outcome and now we interpret it as easy because it is something we could have done in the past.

The problem is that we are not engrossed in the task rather than the difficulty of the task.

That kind of serious engrossment diminishes as we grow. Or rather, it becomes harder to understand. There are so many unnecessary temptations that we get distracted by other things. And then you stop. You lose your own faith in the possibilities for that place and think that it could be anywhere else.

This is because you are stuck with an outcome you have not yet seen. You don’t know what the future holds, but you have already decided what you are capable of. This is no way to have fun. It cannot be fun because it is too difficult to get results, and it cannot be fun because it feels impossible to think about it with your level as now.

So, anything that does not produce results quickly or things are unsuccessful is considered a waste of time. This can be said for everything, whether it is continuing to think about the person you love, not giving up on your dream job, or continuing a task what you like, exercise, etc. For example, a common trivia about love is, “Don’t chase after one partner.” And, “Play with more than one to scatter your emotions and get the other person’s interest.” It makes a lot of sense. People go away when they are chased.

I can relate to that very well, because I also pull away when a woman chases me. But if I like the person, I will not escape from her though. However, even though the methodology is not wrong, I wonder if it is really good for me to scatter that great feeling and passion that I have for one person. What if I could have a feeling that the level of love would shrink.

Even if I try to love one woman and that person hates me as a result, I have already learned great love from that experience and I can create that love within myself. But if I keep dispersing my feelings to other women, I may never know true love.

Isn’t it a better experience to learn one love even if you can’t have sex, kiss, hug, or express affection, than to spread your feelings around and not get what is important? So I am thankful that I have someone I love and who gives me the energy to live, just because he or she is there and I am allowed to bring my passion to him or her. To be honest, we are also very happy just to have one partner, but when we try to use that feeling for someone else, our energy and passion are dispersed and confused. So we are forever unable to realize our true love. In other words, we can’t find a partner with whom we can truly feel passion and joy.

You cannot observe the movement of your real emotions. In this modern society, it has become the norm. And it is so commonplace. Most people don’t even realize it. I used love as an example but the same can be said for your dream and job. There are things that you really want to do, but you can’t keep doing them.You ever cannot finish it.

The reason why is because, as I mentioned earlier, you think about the outcome first and cannot enjoy a process, look for another one because you have a lot of choices and get more confused, tired. When you are doing so, also passion is gone.

And you look over things because that don’t produce results, such as the person you like not being attracted to you, a new job that doesn’t bring in any money, or a diet that doesn’t seem to be helping you lose weight.
And quit.

From this point of view, therefore, we don’t think of the actual action we are taking toward our goals as a great thing in itself. Does it have to be understood by someone or something else? Or is it a bad thing if it doesn’t produce results?

When I was a kid.

I had my best shot when I was kicking a soccer ball with friends.

I had the most fun when I was drawing cartoons.

I was at my best when I was beating slime when I was playing “Dragon Quest V.”

And I remember that, The ending of Dragon Quest( one of my favorite video games). After a soccer game. When I finished drawing a comic book. At that moment, I felt a sense of accomplishment, but after that was just like the end. It’s like heaven and earth compared to the fun moments while playing and doing.

What I’m trying to say is; The best part of life is not the result, but the moment you are playing.

You have to be able to feel this first. You have to feel that you are having fun while you are doing something. That means to understand how you are feeling at the moment. Clarify what kind of feelings you are currently experiencing when you are doing the thing. Are you having fun, are you bored, what do you really want to do, etc.?

The more attention you pay to this, the more useful information you will have to help you set goals. This is real information that comes from inside you, not from the Internet, not from social standards.

If what you are currently doing as a goal does not make you feel the same passion and obsession as when you were a child, then that goal may be a mistake.

It is very simple.

As long as you are being misled by the outside world, you will never see your real goal.

It is inside of you, and if you don’t know it, there is no way to set a goal. If you set a different goal based on different information when your deeper mind is seeking that goal, life will not be enjoyable, and you will probably end up quitting or giving up as a result.

This is true for all the people you love, all the jobs you love, and all the things you love. How you feel about your girlfriend/boyfriend, your job, or your dream is the most important thing when setting a goal.

When you need to give up or quit is when you are not serious.

If you give up when you are serious, it is like giving up your life.

In summary:

  • If you set goals and don’t continue, you don’t know what you really want to do or who you are yet.
  • You don’t need to decide what you are limited.
  • Don’t imagine a bad future, create a good future.
  • Don’t focus on the outcome, enjoy what is in play.
  • Concentrate on your inner feelings and emotions, not on information from the outside world. (Feel)
  • Enjoying what you are playing for is your real goal.

Once again, ask your heart and see.

Who you really want to be.

Be real.

Imagine yourself as your goal, and enjoy playing in the present. In a world where you are stuck in the outcome, all your wishes in the world will not come true. But if you are not caught up in the outcome, your wish has already come true.

I believe that by becoming aware of your inner thoughts, you will be able to set goals.

Believe in yourself and celebrate your goals. Every moment you do so will create the best life for you.

Thank you for reading.

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Dumped Men Hurts? How to Overcome a Painful Heartbreak

boy and girl sitting on bench toy

It is this heartbreak that comes suddenly only when you are in love and you think you are doing well with her.

To be honest, it is very painful.

Girls tend to hold it in without saying anything, and then suddenly say, “I’m sorry. I cannot be with you anymore.” She was so in love with me until yesterday, why? Why does it change? I was not prepared for it yet, so it is tough. Unfortunately, I feel that men will never be able to know all about women.

I think that after a certain amount of time in a romantic relationship, one of us may lose interest in the other, or the fights become so bad that we can’t stand it anymore and have to break up. After that, even a strong man may not even feel like eating his favorite meal without breaking his heart, and his mind may be dead for a day and he may be in a state of lethargy. Of course, there is no way he can put any effort into his work. He is in a state of blankness and absentmindedness.

In the longest case, it can last from one to three months, and sometimes even six months, depending on the person. Men, surprisingly, are unable to forget, and they always think about her for a long time, sometimes even now. I am ashamed to admit that I once even sang a song to my ex, hoping she would come back to me. Of course, she ignored me and left. I thought this is what it means to break down crying.

There is no way to heal a broken heart immediately after a breakup, and it takes time, but I would like to share with you the best ways you can do at that time to somehow make your feelings a little more positive.

This article is written for:

  • You have just had your heart broken and it is hard.

  • You can’t seem to get over the person you love.

  • Those who are in love and are afraid of being rejected.

  • Girls who want to know how guys feel after a heartbreak.

This article is for those who want to know how a man feels after a heartbreak.

First of all, why is it so painful? I think that by knowing this clearly, the pain can be alleviated a little. The reasons for the pain are as follows;

  1. You feel as if your existence is denied.

It is quite painful and hard because you feel as if your existence itself is denied and you inevitably think that you are a worthless person.

  1. You feel that she is the only one for you anymore.

She was my destiny. After a heartbreak, I always think that I can’t find anyone else to have feelings of love for any more than her. When you are in a grueling relationship, you are inevitably linear and narrow-minded. There are so many other girls out there besides her, but I feel that I will never find another girl that I can love any more.

  1. All the time you’ve spent so far is gone overnight.

A sense of loss is created when a relationship that has been built up until now is lost in an instant, without knowing why. Especially when the person says, “I’m sorry, I cannot love you anymore,” and then doesn’t respond and then eventually ghosted. If you don’t hear back from them, you may ask yourself, “Why? Did I do something wrong with them? What has all this time been about? It makes you feel empty.

  1. Memories come back. And for some reason, only pleasant memories come back.

This is really strange, because there must have been many bad memories, but only the good ones with her come back to mine. It is only after you have calmed down that you will be able to realize that you did not get along with her in this way.

  1. Tracking her with your cell phone even though you know in your head that you shouldn’t

Even though you know you shouldn’t do it, you look at social networking sites like Facebook and Instagram again and again to feel even sadder and harder. It’s hell to see her expressions and pictures of her laughing with other guys. You can’t get a response from her anymore and there is nothing you can do about it, but you wonder if you should message her or not, and you look at old emails to see if you were at fault in our past communication, and you are even more overcome with sadness again.

The thoughts immediately after a heartbreak are the peak of negative thinking, so no matter what you do, all you can think is, “This sucks…”

I know I remember that Only at such a time, I started thinking, “Can’t I get back together with my girlfriend who just dumped me somehow? I thought about it all the time in my head, and after I did stupid like unnecessary things (called her), of course no responding, she shuts me down, and finally that night I looked back at the memory of her and cried, drunk alcohol (binge drinking), and couldn’t sleep at all. I was wondering if I should contact her again to see if she will still return my phone calls. My head was full of her and I was completely trapped.

People already know that you can’t help it anymore, but you are seriously thinking that maybe you and she can reconcile somehow. The reason why you are really thinking, “Maybe I can make her up again somehow, even though there is nothing I can do about it,” is because their brains are dominated by the good memories that I mentioned earlier, and importantly they are blind to reality. The women, however, are too cold about that. Once they have made up their minds, they will not change their minds.

The only thing men can do here is to give up once and for all.

But that’s not easy to do. If we could do that, no one would have a hard time.

However, one thing is for sure: If you have just been rejected, your self-esteem may be in tatters, but your value has not decreased at all you know that. You feel that way because you feel like a failure. When you feel like a failure, your testosterone levels drop, and so because of those negative feelings come up, your self-esteem goes down and you deny yourself and hate yourself. So it is the effect of hormonal balance and you are a wonderful person who really loved her. So it is okay bro.

To realize that for yourself, you need to do is:

  1. stop self-denial.

Stop denying yourself. “What did I do wrong?” “Why don’t they love me?” “Did I get dumped because I’m a hopeless case?” “Did she get another guy?”

First of all, you have to let go of those evil thoughts that pop into your brain. If you have just been dumped, you are emotionally unstable and unable to think calmly, so there is nothing you can do.

You will be fine. I know it’s really tough right now, but I’m going to keep going anyway until I calm down. It may not be an encounter that you will forget over time, so calm down once first.

  1. pat yourself on the back for really loving her.

For all the sadness and pain you felt, you loved her, and that alone is amazing. You will know more happiness if you loved her than if she loved you. To develop self-love, you have to have a broken heart to know it for the rest of your life. It is a good opportunity to learn to love yourself by being as kind to yourself as you were hurt.

  1. Pain makes a man stronger.

After all, what is so gratifying about a broken heart is that a man can never truly grow unless he overcomes this emotional pain. Although some people may dislike the idea of masculinity, it is a necessary part of our evolutionary process. A strong spirit and body can use the backlash that comes from this rejection to become stronger. Let us love our growth more wholeheartedly. To get over it, becoming stronger is the fastest way to heal our hearts.

[There are many ways to improve yourself]

  • Cut your hair.　

  • Make yourself cleaner than ever done before. (Shave your nose and pubic hair regularly).　

  • Read more books.

  • Start exercise or weight training.

  • Stop masturbating.

  • Get more passionate about your work.

  • Correct your posture.

  • Buy new clothes.

Self-improvement is the greatest way to recover from a broken heart.

What was really painful is a miracle that happened to make you grow even more. Don’t take it as a bad thing, but transform it into a good force. If you have been truly hurt by a love affair, you have learned to love someone with all your heart.

Whatever form that may take. When you do turn it toward yourself, this time, you will be able to love them back.

Men are inevitably vain and proud. But you don’t have to be a perfect man. Even if you make some mistakes, use them as a springboard to do what you can now and become a little cooler, so this heartbreak won’t be a bad thing, and you will be able to grow even more from now on.

Men who are afraid of being rejected should also keep trying and it is okay to fail. Even if you sink, it is worth it to be rejected. If you don’t get dumped and just give up, it is not worth it.

In fact, I didn’t know this for a long time before I got dumped. It is better to be rejected. A man who has never been dumped or had his heart broken will never know the pain and will never know the true joy of love or the essence of a woman.

What I can learn from my heartbreak is that I now know how I used to live my life spoiled by my girlfriend (or others) at the time and I want to be a muscular man. Before I was dumped, I didn’t do any exercises or muscle training, just sit and watch TV, worked just to do what I had to do because I thought it was good enough to have some money with non progress, and had no ambition to become more like her or to do this. There were many things that I finally realized what kind of man I wanted to be after being rejected. I think that realizing this is a huge plus in my life.

Breaking up with a girlfriend is such a hard time. This fact will never change, but I felt like I knew where I really wanted to be.

From now on, you will become a very nice man.

You will be reborn as a super nice guy who understands other people’s feelings. When times are tough, you can heal your wounds and gain confidence by using the law of reversal and putting your strength into self improvement. You will stop relying on someone else to make you happy. You will be able to create it by yourself. You will be able to believe in yourself. You are the hero of your life, and you will gain more experience and become cooler and cooler, and your best life will unfold.

That is why you lost your love.

Thinking of it that way, you will gradually calm down and think that you will be able to handle it. A lost love in the 30s for all sexes is unexpectedly tough. You are too old to know if there will be a next time, and you are worried about it. However, by keeping your mind positive, even if only a little, you will be able to make the most of it in your next relationship.

It is hard, but you will get over it.

There is a view that you can only see after you get over it. To see it together, let’s aim to be good men!

Thank you for reading.

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Lonely everyday, How dating apps to make a girlfriend

man and woman kissing

If you are a man living abroad or in the U.S. and If you are finding it hard to meet people, I have good news for you. I have used various matching apps in the U.S.

This time, I would like to introduce some of the best apps for someone who is a man from other countries with my own experiences.

 

This article is written for:

  • Those who are looking to meet someone for a long term abroad.
  • Those who want to have a girlfriend in another country.

This article is for all men who want to meet and have fun with girls abroad.

First of all, there are many dating and matching apps out there, but there are three that I have used and found to be good for men who are from abroad: Tinder, TanTan, and Hinge.

Tinder is a matching app that everyone knows.

The features of this app are that you will be matched more reliably than other apps, and girls will reply to your messages comparatively more often than other apps. So, although it probably wastes a lot of unnecessary communication with scams, if you can spend it then, you can meet as many people as you want.

The women who use this app range in age from 20’s to 50’s and include cute girls, model level girls, and of course, plump girls. You can meet various types of women.

You can also specify your age range and area, so you can set up meetings with women near where you live.

However, you have to be careful because there are a bunch of catfishing and scam accounts. One thing to note here is that most of the model-level accounts are hookup accounts. If they probably say hi at first contact and right away to tell the man like “my number is ××××××, hit me up!”, So, it’s pretty much easier to recognize them.

Or If you think like I don’t give a fuck any of the women who are hooking up with you, then just have fun. It may be a fun night by intentionally hooking up with a woman, but be careful because you may get into money troubles or crimes. If you are too busy with work to go out anywhere at all, I would like you to give this app a try.

To be honest, the probability of meeting someone is definitely higher than the other apps listed below. I recommend the dating apps I am recommending here as better than the others because they have a higher chance of matching.

I have also used Bumble, POF (Plenty of Fish), Coffee Meet Bagel, and OkCupid, so this is a comparison to those apps.

  • I thought Coffee Meet Bagel was pretty good, but you have to pay for bagels(you need to have a lot of bagels to send messages.) and the matching rate is low.
  • Bumble is a good choice for women, but I removed it because I think men still prefer to be aggressive rather than wait. But, I think it is a good app for those who used it once and didn’t find it a good fit with Tinder. The reason is that after liking someone, you can wait for a woman to choose you and start a conversation with her, so there is less wasted time for men. However, the matching rate is not as high as Tinder.
  • As for POF, it doesn’t make much sense if you don’t pay, and you get a lot of messages but no replies even if you sent it back to them. And there are a lot of scam accounts.
  • I also used OkCupid for a few months. It is completely free, and the good feature is that you can go to a meeting. After messaging quite a few times, I met up with a woman at Starbucks, but no such woman showed up at all, and I remember having an experience of receiving suspicious messages. Because this app is completely free, there are also many scam accounts.

For the above reasons, Tinder is the best app for me.

[Tinder]

Tinder is also a free way to meet people.

The result is that you can get this many likes and matches in one night. After all, if you don’t enjoy using an app, you feel like you’re wasting your time, but I think people use Tinder because it keeps them from getting bored. At this time, I was matched with two American women.

Next, it is called “TanTan.”

TanTan is an app like Tinder from China. The usage is almost the same as Tinder. And I recommend it to Asians men because you can match with a lot of Asians girls and the matching rate is higher than Tinder. The range of girls is also broad, just like Tinder. One difference is that 90% of the girls are Asian. There are also many cute girls.

You can also specify your age range and location, so you can set up meetings with women near where you live as well. There are similar catfishing problems and a lot of scam accounts on this app as well, so be careful of the same things I described for Tinder.

Particularly obvious is that such catfishing women will always try to get information from you to contact you via WhatsApp account or number or other apps. And although it has a phone feature, they will not want to have a phone conversation with you. It is best to avoid such accounts. If you use TanTan with the above in mind, you have a pretty good chance of meeting someone.

You can be like; Matched! → Messaged several times → Dated that day

There was a case that I ended up going on a date that day.

Many of the girls on this app are from China and are looking for friends who have just arrived in the U.S., so you can meet them relatively quickly. American women may not be available. Most of the women I met were from overseas, Asian women from Thailand, China, Taiwan, and Singapore.

[TanTan]

It’s a great way to meet Asian women in the U.S.

With this many matches in one night, the app is quite gratifying for men who love Asian women and living in the U.S., where it is very difficult to meet people. After you message a few times, you can ask them about their Instagram, etc. and become friends. However, you will get a lot of matching and reply messages, but most of them are scam accounts. Unfortunately, you will also spend a lot of your time.

The way to spot them so you don’t waste too much time is telling them you want to call them at first or ask them after a couple messages you received from her.

If they refuse, chances are good that it is not a legitimate account anymore. Maybe, Better to save up your time for others like your right girls. Well, it is up to you whether you continue or not. I just do not recommend it to you.

 

Finally, let’s talk about Hinge.

Hinge is a little different from the other apps I mentioned.

Tinder and TanTan are based on photos alone, so you can choose whether or not to include detailed information, but this app allows you to make various settings and improve your profile to increase matches.

Compared to the other two apps, in my personal opinion, the women are less attractive. The reason is that there are many women who are looking for serious encounters, and because there are fewer accounts for one-night stands or hookups, due to the large number of people who are average looking, and it may be harder to find the kind of woman you are looking for.

Instead, it is recommended for men who are looking for serious encounters. The matching rate is also still not that great, but matches are made even on the first day.

[Hinge]

She was a 32 year old woman.

Compared to some apps that don’t meet or even match after 3 months, this app is quite good. However, in my experience, I got the impression that messages were not returned very often.

In this case, I was matched, but the women did not reply.

I don’t know if this is a so-called scam account or not, but it’s pretty disappointing not to get a message back even if we are matched.

That’s all I have to say.

In summary:

  • Tinder and TanTan have a high matching rate and you can meet really real women. However, you need to be careful because of the high matching rate and the number of scam accounts.
  • The point to be careful is whether they want your information and not you.
  • Tinder has a lot of American women to meet, while TanTan has a lot of Asian women from overseas.
  • Hinge is good for men looking for serious dating. It is a good app for those who are not focused on looks, as there are not many model-level women that what you’re expecting. However, for some reason I don’t get many messages back after matching.

Meeting with women abroad is a courageous move.

You may wonder what this article is about when I say this, but I still think that men should be aware of women and they will lean on you by pursuing their own goals diligently without focusing on women.

Confidence is the most important thing. All men, We must have it.

I used to think about women so much that I could not concentrate on myself at all.

However, the matching apps took away and damaged my self-esteem at that time.

The thing is, as much as you can meet a lot of women, there will be many cases where the opposite will not work out.

If you are considering using a dating app, I would recommend the following; I want you to know that raising your self-esteem. I want you to do this first. It is dangerous to use dating apps without a sense of acceptance of who you are, that you will be okay with the dating apps. The world of matchmaking is a very lawless place, and to be honest, women’s egos are also very mean to men, it is vice versa.

I was a weak man, and I lost a lot of self-esteem because of it. There was a time when I really thought I was worthless. I strongly recommend that you give it a try, if you are already okay with these situation like mentally shunned, or if women say terrible things to you or neglect you, just try it out and see what happens.

However, I wanted to share this experience with you because there are many ways to meet women, and I hope you will consider this as an idea to make friends in your life. It doesn’t matter if you do it on the Internet or on the street.

You can become one if you keep on increasing your opportunities. And it’s also very good for both parties to meet and experience more and more women and to be able to entertain them.

I hope that we can continue to improve each other’s manhood together and this article will be of some help to you. If you are considering using a dating app, I would be happy if you would try it and share your thoughts with me.

 

Thank you for reading.

 

To relate an article: Dumped Men Hurts? How to Overcome a Painful Heartbreak

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[Mental Health] How to Overcome Your Worries

woman in desperate and anxiety sitting alone

Some time ago, an old friend of mine asked me for advice at work.

He was surrounded by the smartest colleagues from Tokyo University which is the best university in Japan. He seemed to lose a little confidence.

When you are surrounded by a lot of great smartest people, your self-worthlessness goes down when you feel you have not enough.

Well, it also goes down when you look at social networking sites such as Instagram, TikTok etc., too much. Because everyone compares themselves to others.

It’s not uncommon for people to compare themselves and feel their spirits plummet.

When you feel down, what you need is: “Mental strength.”

Why I think so because all that happened to me as below in my mind:

  • Compared to others, and then “I’m lame”.
  • I was rejected from something, I don’t deserve to live.
  • My company management is not going well, I want to quit my life with death.

Our world is very mean and life is full of things that can go wrong.

You may think that you are not supposed to be mentally strong under such circumstances. However, it all happened to beat us.

It is precisely because of this situation that you need to make a change within yourself.

The methods of “mental strengthening” are:

Eliminate the time of self-denial.

Many people spend a lot of time thinking, “Why can’t I do well?”, when they have some problems in their life. That they hurt themselves mentally.

Let’s stop this. The way to stop is very simple. First, you must learn to shift your thinking.

For example:

  • Exercising or weight training.
  • Meditate.
  • Play a guitar or other musical instrument. (Hobbies, etc., that you can immerse yourself in.)
  • Playing video games.( For Fun)
  • Talking with friends. (Conversation with focus. The point is not to let the information in question grow inside you = stop, let it stay, don’t let it get any bigger.)

When your brain is thinking something about this or that, you can only do so by concentrating.

The key is to do something that will change your thinking about the problem or do not think about the problem at all.

After you do that thoughts can be changed. It is important to realize it.

The brain ‘understands’ that there is a time when what you were thinking about earlier is no longer bothering you because you are concentrating on something else.

Simply by exercising, you are saying that your worries will go away. Worry is born from thinking about this and that on your own.

You can realize this.

If you can use it well, you may be able to know yourself by worrying a lot, but when I worry, I hit rock bottom and time just goes on and on.

There were many times when I was so distressed that I shut myself in my shell and could not take action.

However, no matter how much you worry, you will never become mentally strong.

And “change” will not come on its own.

Go somewhere and Take action before worrying.

By taking action, you can create a change point in your life. It takes time to see immediate results from taking action, however, once you notice the changes in your brain, you will gradually stop thinking about your problems if you take action.

In fact, it is that simple.

You will realize that the longer you think negatively, the more anxious you will become. Change your thinking from negative to positive.

You may tell me that I find it difficult to change your thinking now. If you take “action” immediately after worrying for 5 seconds, do it this way, then you will realize that you can change your thinking right away. When you are worried again for a moment, take action as soon as possible.

Since I came to the U.S., I have experienced that I have been mentally damaged by “mean people who don’t like others,” “language and cultural differences,” “alienation,” and so on. I experienced many failures, and there was a time when I thought I was worthless compared to those around me.

I was thinking a bad mind all that time as below;

  • To think who I am short, thin, and a loser.
  • No adaptation in the U.S society.
  • I can’t emulate the cool style of Americans.
  • He (my colleague) is more successful. I envy them.
  • I can’t communicate in English and not confident at all.
  • Feel unfavorable because I can’t get a seat of my choice in a restaurant.

If you continue to think negative thoughts like these (self-denial) every day, you will become depressed, and these thoughts will only increase your worries and complexes.

If you turn this thought around, you can realize who you want to be.

In fact, those negative thoughts that the goal or purpose is hidden;

  • Challenge to make your body bigger, then start some exercise and weight training.
  • I can’t have the American style, but I want to be cool with Japanese’s style. Then I can be fashionable.
  • Be recognized by your coworkers. I don’t fit in here then just start a business on my own.
  • I want to improve my English, so find a language partner or study up more.
  • If I feel like unnecessary person in a restaurant, It is just being self-hating in my mind. I am not worthless person, so just don’t give a fuck and being myself.

It is essential to change your negative thinking. The reason I don’t worry so much these days is because I know how I am able to change my thoughts.

Simply, I have reduced the amount of time I spend in self-denial, saying, “I can’t do it”.

I spend much less time thinking about my problems.

The time you spend worrying and feeling down can be made into meaningful time by taking “action”.

No self-denial = action = have a mental strength

In summary,

The way to strengthen your mentality is: After shifting your thoughts of self-denial, continue to take action toward the person you want to be.

When self-denial is eliminated, you will naturally stop worrying.

And the “action” of total concentration to stop thinking will also lead to an increase in self-affirmation.

calm river
Photo by Anne Barca on Pexels.com

All in all, you can create a win-win situation.

It’s super easy.

Once you stop worrying and it is awesome.

I notice it all the time after lifting the barbells a few times. When I am not thinking about my worries, I feel alive. Let’s also divert our negative thoughts for the better and make it easier to live in the present moment.

Thank you for reading.

To read an article which related to: Better comes to don’t live of the social value

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Love and Life aren’t going though and miserable. Why?

Today, I climbed a mountain in the evening.

Actually, I decided to climb today because I wanted to get rid of my recent obsession that has been piling up. I’ve been troubled by my love life, I’ve been troubled by my work, I’ve been troubled by my life.

I was worried about my future.

Our world, there are many things in life, aren’t there?

It is very difficult to lead a good life if I am worried about your environment, so when I am making a decision, it is very refreshing to climb a mountain.

Well, If you have any worries, I recommend that you climb a mountain.

This time, I would like to talk about the freedom you can receive by letting go of that attachment.

This article is for:

  • Those who cannot forget the person they love.
  • Those who have a hard time bending themselves in relationships.
  • You are suffering from something you can’t do anything about right now. those who are in a situation that is out of their control.

This article is for those who are in a situation that is out of their control.

We sometimes have big emotional states. Such as your dream, who you love, and then, “I really want to get this!” “I really want to be in a relationship with this person!” “I want to be famous!”

There are many things in the world that you really want to get, right? There are also things and people that I just can’t give up on.

“a girl who is the one and only, I can’t think of anyone else!” I spend a lot of time thinking about how to make this relationship go well.

Too much thinking as always.

However, realistically speaking, it is better to let go.

If you don’t want to give up on someone you love in a relationship, you need to let go of trying to get them to understand your feelings. I too suffered a lot because I didn’t want to give up on this love thing.

I didn’t know what to do and wondered whether I should express my feelings of love.

As a result, the more I pursued the other person, both directly and psychologically, the more it was conveyed to the other person, and the more realistic it was that she would move away from me.

I have been thinking that I would like to meet her and talk to her and tell her how I feel about her, but I have decided to let go of asking her for my feelings.

Letting go means that not giving up, it is to let go of setting your feelings free.

For example, if you are in love with someone, if you want a house in an expensive area, if you want to become a celebrity and you want to become more famous, etc. You have something you really want right now, then it will be equally difficult to see your real life.

They are so caught up in what they want that they feel sorry for themselves for not being able to do it (failing makes low testosterones), or they hurt themselves, or they don’t realize how they are really feeling.  

And a big problem is when you are stuck in something else that is not you, you cannot concentrate on yourself. As a result, you are not able to live your own life because your sense of self is weakened. It’s as if something is your everything in life, and this is a very bad thing. It is a matter of reducing your attractiveness by half even if maybe it will be less.

Not living your life as you are is a waste of time and effort, and usually does not lead to happiness.

Sometimes, obsession with things you can’t change can cause you to lose sight of your goals and totally change your behavior. Especially when the desire to be loved and accepted by others dominates our thoughts, such as when we are in love or when we want to become famous through our desire for approval.

For example, the brain that is in love is…

  • ‘How can I get the person I like to pay attention to me?’
  • ‘Should I text him or her? Tell him I love him?’
  • ‘Ask him or her out on a date?’
  • ‘When and how should I make the other person happy?’
  • ‘When is the right time to ask for a date?’

You are worried about things you can’t control, things that other people may already not care about. You can’t help but wonder if you can do something about it. If I become a good person, will the other person change their mind? That is not what we need to be.

For example, if there is a college that you want to go to, but you don’t have enough education or money for tuition, you may be worried about things that you can’t do anything about.

You maybe know that you can save up enough money to pay for school in the next couple of years, and you also know that you can improve your states for academic ability in the meantime, but you want it now, just right now because you want it, so you think too hard about what you can do to get it now and have a big depress every day.

Take, for example, a business contract.

For example, when we want a customer to respond to a contract immediately, but we never hear from them, or when we want them to pay for a product, but the payment is delayed due to their own reasons, we often worry about things that are not within our control.

When we are distressed, we try to do something about it, and when we take action to improve the situation, we invariably get a different result than we expected.

That’s right. Our obsession is to try to change what we think we can do, the other person, or the situation, so the reality is that we can’t change soon, even if we are deeply desirable about it.

Only in our own mind, we think, “I can do it! I think I can do it.” That is great and this is a positive place to be. However, this feeling of self-esteem or positive thinking is only within us. So it is better to assume that others do not know about it and that it does not matter for them. If we impose our ideal on the other person, for example, a person we like, a client we do business with, or a stranger, it is all up to them to receive, and they will not give us the same ideal answer.

So, what should you do?

In the case of love.

Keep thinking about that person, that is the only move you can make when you cannot give up on one. You can have feelings of love for the person, but you will be freer if you let go of the desire for the person’s approval to do or say anything to turn you on.

This is the only person you want to be with, and you really want to be in a relationship with him or her, maybe. But because of that, you cannot move freely, and you spend a lot of time thinking about how to get the person you love to be attracted to you, and you end up neglecting yourself.

Whenever I fall in love, I have a habit of thinking about how to make it work, so I climb the mountain and let go of my attachments.

Whether it will work out or not is the luck of the time. I have to leave it to the universe.

Of course I want it to work out. Once I accept that feeling, I stop thinking about what to do with her. It’s not like I’m going to go on to the next one, just goodbye to my desire for a partner. Adios.

Once I sort out and let go of my feelings and thoughts.

Once you do that, you have freedom.

Enjoying your freedom of mind.

You will lose the time that you have been trapped in, the time that you have spent thinking about how to make things work with that person. There is nothing you can do about it soon.

Most people don’t do this well, so they find themselves thinking about the other person, their work problems, their business partner’s contact, or whatever else they can’t handle. I was the same way. It was hard to let go of them, but they kept coming back to my mind and I couldn’t do it.

I also thought that if I changed my mind, the other person would change his/her mind, and I would make a lot of unreasonable demands of them. But what is more important is to remind myself to look at what I do every day and enjoy it from within.

The pleasure and happiness we get from others or from outside is like a fake.

You may misunderstand me when I say this, but relying on something to make you happy is just like a drug. You have to think about it if you have to live without a partner and without his or her recognition of your love, even though you have it inside of you and that is enough.

If that is the situation, let it go. Let go and be more open. You don’t need to forget about that person. Let go of that feeling that you are stuck.

It’s like you don’t give a fuck with anymore.

It’s like a tree in a river.

You don’t have to think about this or that because you don’t need that kind of control. So you don’t need to wait for them to respond or ask them how they are doing. You just go about your life freely. You don’t get caught up in anything else, and you can feel that the food you are eating is delicious.

Happiness will surely come when you release the attachments that are bothering you and become free. I am sure you will understand what I mean.

There is nothing more painful than a night when you cannot sleep because you are thinking about something that is not going the way you want it to go.

You can be free.

You can live more comfortably.

Your value is infinite.

You should not live your life trapped by anything else.

Why are things going wrong? It’s because you’re not living your life the way you should.

By all means.

Let go of everything that is bothering you right now and free your mind.

You will suddenly feel happy.

People who feel happy and real will be liked by others.

I am sure that by letting go of those feelings, you will feel better and smile.

Things will go smoothly from then on.

Thank you for taking your time with me.

Cheers. 

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Love is Knowing True Hearts with All Their Hearts

 

The past suddenly came to mind.

The love that I can feel so much these days has been nurtured and is finally taking shape little by little.

I feel like that.

I feel that to know love, it is necessary to learn it over time, which is not easy.

That there are various kinds of love.

After reading many books on love written by psychologists such as Jung, Freud, and Fromm, who is famous for his work on love, I realized that the human mind and psychology are not one-size-fits-all, that they are constantly changing, and that the degree and meaning of love differ for each person, so there is no correct answer.

I would like to share with you my own interpretation of what was necessary for me to build a form of love that I am satisfied with, based on my own experiences.

I would like to talk about what it means to learn to love.

First of all, I would like to say that there is no right answer to all forms of love.

I wanted to share with you how you can make your life more loving and abundant by facing your feelings with others and with yourself.

This article is for:

  • Those who do not know how to love. If you don’t know what it feels like to love someone.
  • Those who think they have never loved before.
  • I want to be loved.
  • Those who are currently in love with someone and have a hard time settling down.
  • Those who are in love and are always absorbed in love.

This article is for those who are in love and are always absorbed in love.

I have always been troubled by love. I know I was a jerk.

When I was a child, I remember playing with my siblings and my grandparents, partly because my parents both always worked. However, I remember going camping and going to Disneyland with my parents, so I was not neglected that much.

However,

I felt that I was starved for love when I recalled my first love affair with my first girlfriend in high school.

Since then, I even felt that my life would be boring without love. I needed to be with someone all the time to feel satisfied.

I was truly a love addict.

Even as an adult, I was constantly in love, starting and ending.

Sometimes they lasted as long as five years, sometimes as short as three months.

I may have felt like a zombie who was constantly wandering around looking for love until I realized that I was in a dependent disposition towards women.

If she didn’t love me, I would feel worthless.

So when I didn’t have a girlfriend, I would search and appeal to her like a madman, and sometimes I would forcefully approach her even if she had a boyfriend.

Anyway, I was starving and thirsty.

I went on countless dates.

These encounters continued until I was about 34 years old.

I became so disgusted with love and myself that I realized that I had not grown at all in any of the encounters I had at that time.

I realized that although I had love for each encounter, I was only giving back because the other person was giving to me.

As a coward, I never gave love myself, but rather received it and returned it.

Sometimes I did not even return it, and in those cases they left me quickly.

Yes, in fact, I may not have had enough love to be able to love others.

So I did not have enough, and it is impossible for me to give it to them.

Furthermore, I had never tried to give love, which seems to be there but is not, to the other person, so when I could not get it from the other person, I could not do anything about it at all. Yeah that’s what I said in the beginning of this article, I was like a zombie. Lately, I realized that they left because of it.

And so on and so forth, and since then, every single love affair I’ve had has been unsuccessful.

As soon as I made an approach to a woman I was interested in while my mind was still in a halfway state, I was shunned, ignored, or stood me up on dates, as if she could see through everything I was doing.

And after that, it just got worse and worse.

I couldn’t get it out of my head that no matter what I did, I would always be treated poorly.

What I had done to women in the past came back to me.

As they say, karma and retribution.

What I did in the past always comes back to me for sure.

It was at this time that I finally realized that I had done terrible things to women in the past, and I began to reexamine my behavior. I told myself that it was too late to realize that I had done something really bad to women.

I have done terrible things, and now that I have experienced the same thing, I know the pain. When the betrayal happened, I cried a lot and felt terribly vulnerable and as if my life had been completely negated.

There is nothing more painful than a broken heart and estrangement from the people you love.

This led me to the learning that “I can’t love someone if I can’t love myself.”

When you are able to step back and look at yourself, or even take three steps back, you will be able to reflect on your past actions.

I reflected on my past actions, and at the same time, I was able to see something.

That is, I gave these people a hard time, and I also gave myself a hard time. At first, I experienced a time when I was happy only to receive love, then I experienced only returning love, although I did not know how to love from myself, then I experienced betraying love, then I experienced giving love from myself, and then I experienced being betrayed or rejected by them, eventually.

All of these encounters and experiences without this entire process, we could not have understood the fundamentals of loving.

Some of you may say that you did not have the painful experiences with love that some people have had to go through before being able to love and be loved. But if you’re reading this, if you’ve ever experienced any kind of pain through the relationships and love in your life.

This event was born out of a need to be able to understand feelings of loneliness, rejection, hunger, and conflict. And this will be a great learning experience throughout your life.

Having experienced and known this, you can now give love to others in the future.

I had no way of knowing this, because I had not experienced anything painful at the time and I just held women as I wanted, and still felt empty. No matter which woman I spend a night with, my thirst was never quenched. Because I had never been treated that way, I rarely thought about the feelings of others, always centered on myself, and did not know what I was doing.

There were times when I didn’t even know if I liked the other person or not.

It would seem that I would be happy if I could live my life without ever being rejected or hurt, but that is not the case. I have learned recently that I can only learn to love people because I have to learn to really love them.

Because in order to truly learn to love others, you have to be able to understand their feelings and mine too.

Only through that painful experience, I think that if you don’t have the painful experience, you can’t see true love.

If you have not had a painful experience, you cannot really understand the feeling of pain, so you can only express that level of love. Those who know what it is like to go through a painful experience are able to keep that in mind when interacting with others on a spiritual level, and are able to understand others as well.

This can make a big difference.

If your partner is someone who has never had a hard time before (and you will probably know what that person is like soon enough. They can be childish or narcissistic, anxiety), it may be difficult to develop serious love until you know that. But if you can endure it, it will probably work out.

This is my experience, so I don’t know if it applies to everyone, but if you are currently having a hard time falling in love or meeting unrequited love, It is definitely a lesson you need to learn to have endurance and gentleness towards everything.

It is about getting the best love, the best love within you. The day will surely come when you will be rewarded. Whatever the situation and whatever the outcome, it will always steer you in the right direction.

Believe in yourself.

You will see many things when you get through this situation.

It will be hard, but it will make you more aware of your own heart.

You will learn to make an effort to let your mind enjoy itself out of a difficult situation.

You will learn to create love on your own without depending on anyone else.

This is the privilege of those who have experienced and known hardship. Those who don’t know, have no way of knowing. Because they have never felt it.

It is like that after the Ice Age, when love was always given to us and controlled by others, the ice melts and we finally begin to nurture love within ourselves, as if we were putting down roots in the soil.

What happens when you do this is that you become able to have tender feelings toward everything that happens. You can take a step back and look at things with kindness, even if you would normally be angry or cry.

Oh, no matter what happens, you will be okay. That is for sure that your roots will grow, and that love will not disappear because it does not come from others.

You will be able to trust yourself and go with the flow no matter what.

You already have love, so be kind and generous to all, giving more and more, and you will not be afraid of anything.

To love is to be kind to all. and, It is to be kind to yourself.

And not just for certain people, but also for nature and animals.

It is because we have had painful experiences and painful relationships where we did not know how to love others, that we can learn to love without compensation from those experiences.

Those who cannot love do not yet have love within themselves. Love within you is born, as I said at the beginning, when you make an effort to affirm yourself through painful experiences.

There may be people who have high self-esteem from the beginning, but most people who suffer from love have low self-esteem and are often lonely, fearful in life and many of them find their self-worth only in receiving love from others through love.

As a result, they are not loved. People who deny themselves are also denied by those around them. Then that person will begin to deny the people around them as well, and they will get stuck in a vicious cycle.

So, slowly serve yourself by doing what you love, and when you are satisfied, serve love to those around you.

By doing so, you yourself will be more fulfilled. At that time, you will have already resolved what was painful and you will understand what it is to love.

Earlier,

when my child passed me on his kickboard.

I decided to get on the side of the road and give way.

She smiled at me with an infectious smile and cheered me up.

Kindness can be conveyed and can connect us to the world.

No matter what the situation is, we can act on it by caring for others.

To do so, we do not ask what the other person thinks of us or what we have done for them, but simply give kindness to the people around us, which is the form of love we can give nowadays.

Kindness means thinking of others and doing what is good for them.

It does not mean becoming a person who does not get angry.

It is about thinking about the other person and doing what is best for them.

You can receive and give love because it is already rooted in you.

If you are in that state, then surely every day is already becoming more and more enjoyable.

You are beginning to enjoy looking up and interacting openly with those around you.

Painful experiences have become a learning experience of love, and you are no longer shaken by a few things.

That state of being is what will bring you true love and the best life possible.

Thank you for reading, Cheers.