Year: 2023

When I hear the word “narcissist”, some people see it in a good way, on the other hand, others see it in a bad way.

In fact, there are many different types of narcissists and their tendencies and they all have different backgrounds as to how they came to be the way they are.

It seems that almost everyone has a little narcissism and no one has zero percent.

Depending on the degree of narcissism, some people are diagnosed with NPD, for example.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is a personality disorder in which people who are unusually narcissistic than others have problems in their relationships, work, and life in various situations.

When I was a teenager, I wondered if I myself was a narcissist.

The reason was that I often looked in the mirror at a restroom, always worried about my hair style, and carried hair wax with me all the time.

What’s interesting is that people who live in Japan probably think “narcissists” is such a so-called “show-off,” but actually, it is not in the world.

I’m sure there are many people who are like me, they wonder, “Am I a narcissist?” As doing just fixing your hair all the time and checking or looking in the mirror is not narcissism, so don’t worry. 

And if you are a real narcissistic person then you aren’t trying to know yourself by reading those kinds of articles. For instance, Many narcissists don’t even realize or think of themselves as narcissists.

People who are looking in the mirror 100 times in one hour may be hiding some problems.
Abnormal behavior or not stable acts that anyone can see is always a sign of some disorder.

So, for this time, I would like to talk about trends and types of narcissists.

This article is for;

• Those who want to know what a narcissist is.
• If you are surrounded by a narcissist and have trouble dealing with him or her.
• If you are wondering whether you are a narcissist or not.

For the reader who is worried about whether you are a narcissist or not, having problems dealing with them, this article is for you.

First of all, I would like to explain the following.

My knowledge of Japanese, a narcissist means a person who acts cool.

ナルシスト（narcissist） and ナルシシスト（narcissist） originally have the same meaning in English, but in Japan the meaning differs from person to person.

So, by looking in the mirror and checking about hair, some people make fun of them because of that “he is a narcissist(カッコつけ)” which happens to be very common in Japan.

In the world’s understanding of “narcissists,” there is no 100% correct answer, but let’s put aside that subtle difference, narcissists are people with low self-esteem, who do not have the slightest idea deep down that they are cool or love themselves.

And acting aggressive because they don’t want people to see their vulnerability or lack of confidence.

Only the way, they try to control or attack others by creating feelings of self-worth.

They develop this personality due to their traumas, sexual violence, excessive bullying, and an abusive or unloving childhood experiences.

There are different types of narcissism; Closet Narcissism, Exhibitionist narcissism, Malignant Narcissism by psychiatrist James L. Masterson (Hall 2019).

The closet, exhibitionist narcissisms, have both the same and different characteristics.

It is mentally unstable under the influence of low self-esteem, which is not normal, and it is particularly averse to shame for oneself and reacts to it in an exaggerated way.

It might be easier to describe it as “Menhera,” in Japanese. If you want to know about “Menhera,” the Urban dictionary mentioned it so please check it out. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Menhera

Some may think that Menhera and narcissists are completely different people, but in fact, they are the same in that they have very little self-love.

Because of their rigid and distorted thinking, they are unable to perceive what is happening in reality with their normal senses.

They lack self-awareness and empathy, they are unable to understand realistically, not thinking about the other person or even themselves.

What sets closet narcissists apart is that while they think they are special, but they tend to be extremely fearful of standing out, it is easily hurt by themselves.

For this reason, they can be jealous, angry, and sometimes cold toward others, hiding a dominant side.

Unlike other narcissists, they don’t like showing their savageness.

The closet narcissist is the most unwelcome of the narcissists personality, hiding among them his or her domineering behavior and desire for entitlement, so we barely cannot realize at first.

And the person who is the closet narcissist must have had a severely humiliating experience in the past.

It sounds pitiful to think so, but actually getting involved with them is for sure to be psychologically damaging to you.

When you go to Japan and date Menhera, that’s a scary thing in life though. You should be careful to know her/him as quickly as possible.

Next, the exhibitionist narcissist, contrary to the closet, will dominate others by being vain, showing that I am special, and saying things that they will over rate by themselves or don’t fit their stature.

They tend to use their charisma, intelligence, connections, and looks to somehow stand out and threaten others with stories of their superiority.

Since they think they are perfect or divine, they will not listen to them, which is troublesome.

When these personalities are their own bosses, politicians, or hold power, they will punish and destructively abuse those who are weak or disobedient, and they will make sure that all hell breaks loose.

Both closet and exhibitionist, They have only two perceptions for life: to be perfect or not to be perfect, and they will disappoint and condemn you if you betray them or disagree with them.

They take the negative feelings they have as if someone else is bringing them out. And they try to protect themselves.

Here is a simple example of what happened to one person’s tendency to be a narcissist.

When going out to eat with some people, the person’s attitude became overtly loud when we went to restaurants and other places.

The words he often said were,

“I’m a customer, and that waitress/waiter attitude is disrespectful.”

“I’m a customer!” to say out loud at a restaurant.

When he didn’t ask them to get water but when they didn’t get any water for him automatically, he would get angry and complain about how he was treated, which is a bad way.  

He has something of unshakable value that is his value, and cannot allow others to trample on that value.

Also he wanted to show others that superior and special, and when he are not treated respectfully on his way, he blamed and sometimes lash out, this is truly narcissism.

Another example,

When several people went on a road trip, one person was afraid to take responsibility, so he asked others to make all the decisions for him.

The deciding words were,

“Everything will be fine. I’ll leave it to you.”

People who say this also have a tendency toward closet narcissism.

After all, If they don’t say anything then it’s fine, but most of these people who they say are okay, they actually don’t think okay at all and usually complain at the last.

But, they are afraid of making a decision and making a mistake, never decide.

Instead, if there is a mistake in preparation or arrangement others, there is not the slightest gratitude to the person who made all the decisions or made all the preparations,

They blame him/her, and then pass on the negative gossip to the people around them, making them feel left out. It is a preparatory step of manipulation.

Another tendency is that they are nice and gentle in their approach at first place.

They are always saying a lot of compliments to feel you good things like;

“Cool, you’re cute!”

“You’re awesome!”

“You’re great, you can do anything.”

“I’m on your side.”

“I’m your friend.”

And then, someday, you will realize that they are making you feel very uncomfortable.

When you express your opinion to them, they shut you down or make you feel ashamed, and you feel bad for yourself.

Because they say that they are your friend or family, and ask you to be nice to them.

At first, when people are friends or family members, many people will think like, “Well, they’re my friends, and they’re my family, so I have to take care of them or be nice to them a little bit right?

That feeling which normal people have, they will use it to manipulate you.

After that, you probably have to put up with something very unpleasant or unreasonable.

It’s just another sacrifice.

You need to leave or stop dealing with them.

Most of the time, if a narcissist is lurking in a close friend or family member, it is quite difficult to notice or is likely already in control.

If you are having trouble with a relationship or feel like you are being ingested in some way,

You may want to think again about what they are like in light of the tendency.

They can be human but maybe they don’t have human’s feeling or minds.

The last one is malignant narcissism.

This has characteristics of mixing closet and exhibitionist narcissism, but is aimed at ingestion and domination, as opposed to intimidating and attacking others with a defensive instinct against disillusionment and threat.

Horrible of the malignant characteristic that enjoys humiliating others.

It is emotionally defective toward others and violates others with impunity to relieve the inadequate self-esteem created by shame and trauma deep down inside.

I have yet to personally encounter this type of person, but I would guess that it is the government in countries where political corruption is taking place.

They are the ones who protect their position and weakness by killing or punishing those who disobey them, and feel no guilt about it.

In this way, there are many different tendencies and types of narcissists, and they are all mixed together in various ways.

In summary,

Narcissists and narcissists are formed from childhood and historical backgrounds, from old traumas and insults.

If you can know the tendencies, you can protect yourself.

If you do not want to deal with them or are having trouble dealing with them, I strongly recommend that you leave.

Some of you may find that talking to a narcissist does not bother you at all and is not a problem.

I myself have been researching this narcissism, I have some of these tendencies myself, so I guess we all have a few of these habits.

If you are wondering if you are a narcissist or not, you may need to have a talk with yourself once.

People who are not self-aware are also narcissists.

How much do you know about yourself?

What is making you suffered?

You may want to think about whether you are blaming friends, family, lovers, partners, people around you, society, or organizations for your feelings.

However, if you are able to look at articles and try to get to know you better then, I don’t think you’re not a narcissist.

You can take as many selfies as you want, without worrying about the first place.

I also took this opportunity to think about how I feel about other people and how I act toward them.

I hope this article will be of some help to you.

If you would like to know more about narcissists, I have posted links below to books that I have read and found helpful, so you might want to read them as well.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the article.

ZenJin

Life is all about depending on oneself.

Do you remember the Pixar’s movie “Coco” by about a grandmother, Mamá Coco?

She has a gorgeous smile with a lot of wrinkles.

We can imagine that at her funeral, she would be surrounded by good friends, family, and a late husband who was inside her heart and ended her happy life.

But in reality, that is not optional for everyone.

There is someone who feels lonely and dies alone.

After the COVID-19 pandemic, a lot of people felt lonely, isolated, and in despair.

We have so much stress because of a big life change, such as losing a home, jobs, money, health, family members, and hope.

I was thinking about isolation in our society, and my curiosity picked up the word “Kodokushi.”

It means “lonely death,” which is a bit problematic nowadays in the case of elderly deaths in Japan.

How come people who go on die alone?

It might be that they lost all their hopes in our society.

Their thoughts changed to dealing with others instead of having strong anxiety about problems such as mental, financial, and physical health.

Significantly, avoiding those factors that require people who feel close and worthy, having a strong community, managing oneself, having good self-esteem, and having a daily exercise routine that can decrease a problem is my idea.

This journal will attempt to find solutions to the death of loneliness as well as what life is. So, let’s begin to define “Kodokushi” first by what it is about.

In Japan, the specific word “Kodokushi” was created in 1980, and this issue has become more prevalent in Japanese’ society.

In 2008, in Tokyo, more than 2,200 people over the age of 65 died of loneliness, according to statistics from the city’s Bureau of Social Welfare and Public Health (Nobel 2010).

According to Yoshida, who started a business to clean out the home of death in Japan, as produced by Time magazine, the people die alone, sprawled on the floor beside crumpled clothing and dirty dishes, tucked beneath flowery bedspreads, slouched against the wall.

Months, even years, can pass before somebody notices a body.

On occasion, all that’s left are bones.

“The majority of lonely deaths are people who are kind of messy,” he said.

From his words, people who die alone are messy, lazy, and have no energy to do anything.　

Also, another reason is the impact of disasters, with cases increasing, for example, after the 1995 Kobe earthquake in Japan (Bris 2019).

In Japan, it can be tough to live without fear of earthquakes because there are so many and they are predictable but unavoidable.

Probably everyone still remembers the strongest earthquake in Japan’s recorded history, the Fukushima earthquake in 2011.

I was there, and it was really horrible at the moment. In fact, a lot of people died and were hopeless in the tsunami that day.

“Kodokushi” or “dying alone” is a growing problem in Japan, where 27.7 percent of the population is aged over 65 and many people are giving up trying to find partners in middle age, opting instead for a solitary existence.

Those are two big reasons to increase anxiety and depression and make it difficult to live, for sure. However, psychologically, we can fix laziness and depression.

If you learn about the system of neurons, it is manipulatable.

First of all, “low serotonin levels” were associated with the presence of depressive symptoms (Trujillo 2021).

I believe that if people can change to increase their strength both mentally and physically, they can get out of their small apartment and get a coffee, go for a walk, or talk with neighbors.

And if they don’t have the option to choose where to live, then they should change their mind and gain the physical strength that is required to live in our society.

For maintaining a good serotonin level, walking, running, biking, and swimming, are aerobic exercises that significantly increase serotonin production in the body (Higgins 2019).

The other idea is that the key is self-esteem.

According to Bum’s Journal, they examined the relationships among the factors of fun with a group of 249 players from tennis clubs located in South Korea.

According to their experiment, exercising increased positive self-esteem and happiness (Bum 2016).

If people are busy or stuck, fitness leads to a healthy and meaningful life through having fun. We can learn how to maintain happiness and emotional stability by promoting positive behavior through physical activities.

And a high level of self-esteem results in a strong tendency to respect oneself and one’s surroundings.

So, that makes it worthwhile. This is probably the same for young adults and children. Because depression and laziness are not about age.

Depression in the elderly is not a natural part of aging.

If we can identify this condition, we can provide timely, appropriate treatment that will help restore health (Trujillo 2021).

In this way, we can manage our health level at any age, and it can be decreased to deal with loneliness and the isolation of society.

So, when we can manage our health, we need people to feel that they are not alone.

But how can we meet people and have a good relationship with them?

According to Prince-Paul, within the context of end-of-life (EOL) care, “humans are beings in relationships; in other words, the very essence of human existence is to have close personal connections and relationships with others.”

And the dying experience affects all dimensions of an individual.

Above those things, knowing the fear of death will help create a strong connection with people. When you are old, think about death, which is very helpful for not thinking too much about what has to be done in our society.

For example, if they have cancer or a serious illness from which they expect to die, they think of their lives deeper than young people because they do not really need to think about problems that most people are concerned about, such as financial, physical, debt, etc.

Those who were terminally ill with advanced cancer expressed the importance of creating close personal relationships at the end of life (Prince 2008).

Most young generations never think about death until they have a life-threatening situation or a serious accident.

I can guess that because I hadn’t thought about it until my life event of a huge car accident in 2018.

So, that is why people leave people easily; quick judging makes it difficult to have serious connections with friends, a partner, and even family members too.

I found a newspaper that had an interesting story about how they were complete strangers, but they became friends for life.

Frank Rembert was 58, and Rick Wilson was 42. They had joined in fishing together, and they mentioned real friendships.

Rembert was one who needed a lifesaving kidney transplant; Wilson made it for him. From their conversation, “I just feel that I can talk to Frank about anything.

I can confide in him. I can share my deepest thoughts with him. I value his advice,”(Quintanilla 1996).

This kind of friendship isn’t easy to have.

So, it could be known from the newspaper what a real and deeper connection there is between these two guys, and we can learn from them.

Because people are reflections.

If you don’t know what a real friendship? then you will never know it and never meet them.

What luck is after COVID-19 in our lives is that we will have fear, anxiety, isolation, and financial worries in the future, but it will give us a new awareness, hope, and a true sense of connection.

We thanks to that, we will be able to rethink life.

Controlling your emotional state and exercising daily to manage your physical and mental health, plus knowing of death for the realization of yourself more to help a good connection with people, could help you find your life partner.

Those factors will help decrease lonely deaths, and if people feel isolated in society or family and lonely.

Then follow these steps to create strong self-esteem with love yourself.

However, when I was researching this topic, I realized that “Kodokushi” itself is not bad at all.

Because I had dinner with my best friend and discussed it. He said,

“Lonely death is not bad because people who want to die alone are happy to die alone with no one to take care of them,”

“They didn’t want to bother surrounding him or her, which was the best choice for them.”

Then, I concluded that I was thinking of a lonely death was bad or sad from my perspective, but that idea of mine comes from conforming to society’s values.

The different types of people there are not of the same value in society, and Mamá Coco style is just not for them.

In fact, there are two ways to think about whether dying alone is sad or comfortable.

It all depends on people and what is valuable to them.

“Kodokushi” is one of the options for dying and when you are old enough and realize that you are dying soon, there is nothing wrong with being alone.

If you can at least not feel lonely in life, and your life is currently filled with the excitement of living and surviving with your family and friends, then you can die alone at the end of your life.

Alone, it’s not bad at all.     

Works Cited