The past suddenly came to mind.
The love that I can feel so much these days has been nurtured and is finally taking shape little by little.
I feel like that.
I feel that to know love, it is necessary to learn it over time, which is not easy.
That there are various kinds of love.
After reading many books on love written by psychologists such as Jung, Freud, and Fromm, who is famous for his work on love, I realized that the human mind and psychology are not one-size-fits-all, that they are constantly changing, and that the degree and meaning of love differ for each person, so there is no correct answer.
I would like to share with you my own interpretation of what was necessary for me to build a form of love that I am satisfied with, based on my own experiences.
I would like to talk about what it means to learn to love.
First of all, I would like to say that there is no right answer to all forms of love.
I wanted to share with you how you can make your life more loving and abundant by facing your feelings with others and with yourself.
This article is for:
- Those who do not know how to love. If you don’t know what it feels like to love someone.
- Those who think they have never loved before.
- I want to be loved.
- Those who are currently in love with someone and have a hard time settling down.
- Those who are in love and are always absorbed in love.
This article is for those who are in love and are always absorbed in love.
I have always been troubled by love. I know I was a jerk.
When I was a child, I remember playing with my siblings and my grandparents, partly because my parents both always worked. However, I remember going camping and going to Disneyland with my parents, so I was not neglected that much.
However,
I felt that I was starved for love when I recalled my first love affair with my first girlfriend in high school.
Since then, I even felt that my life would be boring without love. I needed to be with someone all the time to feel satisfied.
I was truly a love addict.
Even as an adult, I was constantly in love, starting and ending.
Sometimes they lasted as long as five years, sometimes as short as three months.
I may have felt like a zombie who was constantly wandering around looking for love until I realized that I was in a dependent disposition towards women.
If she didn’t love me, I would feel worthless.
So when I didn’t have a girlfriend, I would search and appeal to her like a madman, and sometimes I would forcefully approach her even if she had a boyfriend.
Anyway, I was starving and thirsty.
I went on countless dates.
These encounters continued until I was about 34 years old.
I became so disgusted with love and myself that I realized that I had not grown at all in any of the encounters I had at that time.
I realized that although I had love for each encounter, I was only giving back because the other person was giving to me.
As a coward, I never gave love myself, but rather received it and returned it.
Sometimes I did not even return it, and in those cases they left me quickly.
Yes, in fact, I may not have had enough love to be able to love others.
So I did not have enough, and it is impossible for me to give it to them.
Furthermore, I had never tried to give love, which seems to be there but is not, to the other person, so when I could not get it from the other person, I could not do anything about it at all. Yeah that’s what I said in the beginning of this article, I was like a zombie. Lately, I realized that they left because of it.
And so on and so forth, and since then, every single love affair I’ve had has been unsuccessful.
As soon as I made an approach to a woman I was interested in while my mind was still in a halfway state, I was shunned, ignored, or stood me up on dates, as if she could see through everything I was doing.
And after that, it just got worse and worse.
I couldn’t get it out of my head that no matter what I did, I would always be treated poorly.
What I had done to women in the past came back to me.
As they say, karma and retribution.
What I did in the past always comes back to me for sure.
It was at this time that I finally realized that I had done terrible things to women in the past, and I began to reexamine my behavior. I told myself that it was too late to realize that I had done something really bad to women.
I have done terrible things, and now that I have experienced the same thing, I know the pain. When the betrayal happened, I cried a lot and felt terribly vulnerable and as if my life had been completely negated.
There is nothing more painful than a broken heart and estrangement from the people you love.
This led me to the learning that “I can’t love someone if I can’t love myself.”
When you are able to step back and look at yourself, or even take three steps back, you will be able to reflect on your past actions.
I reflected on my past actions, and at the same time, I was able to see something.
That is, I gave these people a hard time, and I also gave myself a hard time. At first, I experienced a time when I was happy only to receive love, then I experienced only returning love, although I did not know how to love from myself, then I experienced betraying love, then I experienced giving love from myself, and then I experienced being betrayed or rejected by them, eventually.
All of these encounters and experiences without this entire process, we could not have understood the fundamentals of loving.
Some of you may say that you did not have the painful experiences with love that some people have had to go through before being able to love and be loved. But if you’re reading this, if you’ve ever experienced any kind of pain through the relationships and love in your life.
This event was born out of a need to be able to understand feelings of loneliness, rejection, hunger, and conflict. And this will be a great learning experience throughout your life.
Having experienced and known this, you can now give love to others in the future.
I had no way of knowing this, because I had not experienced anything painful at the time and I just held women as I wanted, and still felt empty. No matter which woman I spend a night with, my thirst was never quenched. Because I had never been treated that way, I rarely thought about the feelings of others, always centered on myself, and did not know what I was doing.
There were times when I didn’t even know if I liked the other person or not.
It would seem that I would be happy if I could live my life without ever being rejected or hurt, but that is not the case. I have learned recently that I can only learn to love people because I have to learn to really love them.
Because in order to truly learn to love others, you have to be able to understand their feelings and mine too.
Only through that painful experience, I think that if you don’t have the painful experience, you can’t see true love.
If you have not had a painful experience, you cannot really understand the feeling of pain, so you can only express that level of love. Those who know what it is like to go through a painful experience are able to keep that in mind when interacting with others on a spiritual level, and are able to understand others as well.
This can make a big difference.
If your partner is someone who has never had a hard time before (and you will probably know what that person is like soon enough. They can be childish or narcissistic, anxiety), it may be difficult to develop serious love until you know that. But if you can endure it, it will probably work out.
This is my experience, so I don’t know if it applies to everyone, but if you are currently having a hard time falling in love or meeting unrequited love, It is definitely a lesson you need to learn to have endurance and gentleness towards everything.
It is about getting the best love, the best love within you. The day will surely come when you will be rewarded. Whatever the situation and whatever the outcome, it will always steer you in the right direction.
Believe in yourself.
You will see many things when you get through this situation.
It will be hard, but it will make you more aware of your own heart.
You will learn to make an effort to let your mind enjoy itself out of a difficult situation.
You will learn to create love on your own without depending on anyone else.
This is the privilege of those who have experienced and known hardship. Those who don’t know, have no way of knowing. Because they have never felt it.
It is like that after the Ice Age, when love was always given to us and controlled by others, the ice melts and we finally begin to nurture love within ourselves, as if we were putting down roots in the soil.
What happens when you do this is that you become able to have tender feelings toward everything that happens. You can take a step back and look at things with kindness, even if you would normally be angry or cry.
Oh, no matter what happens, you will be okay. That is for sure that your roots will grow, and that love will not disappear because it does not come from others.
You will be able to trust yourself and go with the flow no matter what.
You already have love, so be kind and generous to all, giving more and more, and you will not be afraid of anything.
To love is to be kind to all. and, It is to be kind to yourself.
And not just for certain people, but also for nature and animals.
It is because we have had painful experiences and painful relationships where we did not know how to love others, that we can learn to love without compensation from those experiences.
Those who cannot love do not yet have love within themselves. Love within you is born, as I said at the beginning, when you make an effort to affirm yourself through painful experiences.
There may be people who have high self-esteem from the beginning, but most people who suffer from love have low self-esteem and are often lonely, fearful in life and many of them find their self-worth only in receiving love from others through love.
As a result, they are not loved. People who deny themselves are also denied by those around them. Then that person will begin to deny the people around them as well, and they will get stuck in a vicious cycle.
So, slowly serve yourself by doing what you love, and when you are satisfied, serve love to those around you.
By doing so, you yourself will be more fulfilled. At that time, you will have already resolved what was painful and you will understand what it is to love.
Earlier,
when my child passed me on his kickboard.
I decided to get on the side of the road and give way.
She smiled at me with an infectious smile and cheered me up.
Kindness can be conveyed and can connect us to the world.
No matter what the situation is, we can act on it by caring for others.
To do so, we do not ask what the other person thinks of us or what we have done for them, but simply give kindness to the people around us, which is the form of love we can give nowadays.
Kindness means thinking of others and doing what is good for them.
It does not mean becoming a person who does not get angry.
It is about thinking about the other person and doing what is best for them.
You can receive and give love because it is already rooted in you.
If you are in that state, then surely every day is already becoming more and more enjoyable.
You are beginning to enjoy looking up and interacting openly with those around you.
Painful experiences have become a learning experience of love, and you are no longer shaken by a few things.
That state of being is what will bring you true love and the best life possible.
Thank you for reading, Cheers.